03/11/2009 by yourgreatlife.

Part Two: Coming upon a Crossroads, What You Need To Make Your Decisions

The first crossroads is likely to be when you decide to see the doctor because, despite your efforts, you have not conceived.   It isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, or culture, to expose their intimate life to the scrutiny of doctors or undergo blood tests and scans, checking for something “wrong.”  Some uninformed men may be unwilling to provide a semen sample, for fear of what the results may suggest about his manliness.

Both the woman and man may feel some anxiety about whose family line may be to “blame” for their inability to become pregnant.  If this pertains to you or your partner, you must cast these outdated stigmas aside and take some relatively simple tests to discover the cause of your infertility.  If having a baby is your ultimate goal, your value system may have to adapt to accept the help that modern medicine and technology offer.

The second crossroads is deciding whether to pursue more invasive medical investigations and/or treatment.  With a clear diagnosis and readily available treatment, it is easier to decide what to do because the options are more clearly set out.  Your personal life may present the deciding factor: your relationship, finances, career, religion or emotional wellbeing may all be taken into consideration.  Many couples have to contend with unexplained infertility, where early test results were ambiguous.  If you (or your doctor) are operating in the dark, it won’t do much for your confidence.  In this case, the dilemma about which treatment to pursue may be decided by not knowing what else to do. 

Whatever your decision, the most important factor is agreement between the partners, not only because cooperation, understanding and support are vital to keeping stress levels down, but also because it could mean the difference between having a genetic child or not.  From the point that you choose assisted conception you enter a different world; one where your daily life centres on the fertility clinic. For working men, the clinical, inconvenient scheduling, financial and sexual aspects of trying to conceive while being treated, put them into unfamiliar territory and cause stress.  Women will physically experience all of that, and possibly, mood swings, pain, invasive procedures and fear that time is running out as well. 

The decision-making shifts to:

• Are you happy with the doctor/clinic you started with?
• Should you try less invasive treatment first, or go straight to IVF?
• Should we try complementary therapies before, or alongside, traditional medical treatment?
• How will you pay for your treatment?
• When should you begin treatment?
• Can this be managed around your work and/or other obligations?
• How many embryos do you want to implant? 
• How many times will you undergo treatment?

These questions may have the two of you at a new crossroads every week. While some people may sail through and others agonize, it’s more likely that some decisions will bring up unexpected issues.  Pay really close attention how you are both functioning.  Your emotional state is important: Do either of you feel stressed, resentful, guilty, desperate, depressed, or hopeless?  Is one of you leaning one way and the other in another direction?  Are you fighting? That is where mutual respect, communication and agreement come into play.

Lisa Marsh is a Fertility Coach working with people on all aspects of fertility, including female and male infertility, pregnancy loss, assisted conception, alternative means of family-building and menopause.  Visit her blog http://yourgreatlife.typepad.com or her website http://yourgreatlife.co.uk for more information.  For coaching, email lisa@yourgreatlife.co.uk

Posted in doing things differently, female fertility, Fertility Treatment, Assisted reproduction, Life Coaching, infertility investigations, Asking for help, fertility coach, Marriage, Getting Pregnant, Trying to Conceive, Fertility Tests, Male Fertility Issues, Pregnancy, Infertility, Alternative Therapies & Fertility, IVF, Fertility, Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

07/05/2009 by admin.

Then don’t take him clothes shopping

This bank holiday Monday I visited Fosse park (along with half the county) which is a huge out of city shopping centre just on edge of Leicester. It has great shops, but boy was it busy.

I was in the enormous M & S having left my other half in the Costa coffee with his ipod. While shopping I noticed how many miserable looking men were being dragged round M& S, and being asked every few minutes ‘do you think this would suit me ‘ as there wife or girlfriend held up yet another dress, top or skirt. The look of abject misery & boredom on these poor guys faces was so obvious to any onlooker-why can’t us wives and girlfriends see it ?! I smiled to myself, as I realised that there was unlikely to be any intimacy or hanky panky between those couples that night, and the atmosphere was likely to be quite chilly. I thanked my lucky stars that there had been a Costa for dh to hang out in, and that he had brought his ipod (god he loves that thing)

I only recently learned not to take my dh shopping with me when I want to look at clothes for me. It dawned on me it was not fun for either of us, and we often argued afterwards.  He hates the whole process, and was simply humouring me. My moment of epiphany came when I started to go shopping with a girlfriend- it is so much more fun to shop with another women and such a relief to my dh. us gilrs can try on 20 items and end up buying none but we still have a huge amount of fun. This for most men is like having their toenails pulled out one by one-simply torture !

Next time you are in the womens department of a big store on a weekend or bank holiday , take a look at the men’s faces and you will see what I mean. I pity those poor men sat outside the M & S or John Lewis changing rooms.

Come on girls, take pity on your men folk-go shopping with a girlfriend, and leave the guys at home in peace

Posted in Intimacy, Marriage, Sex | No Comments »

14/04/2009 by admin.

Hi everyone,

Hope you’ve had a good spring/Easter break.

 I have had a couple of days at the coast and while I was there I listened to the great John Gray on my ipod. I have all his audio books downloaded from itunes. I love to listen to them on long journeys.

This holiday I have been listening to ‘when mars and venus collide’ which gives great insite into why men and women fall out and how to avoid fights .

A big part of this is not expecting your man to ‘fill you up’. We need to learn how to fill ourselves up and not to expect our partners to do this for us.

There is a list of about 100 ways to do this and they are all fun.

Here are some examples:

• take a long soak in the bath
• talk with girlfriends
• have a manicure or pedicure
• have a facial
• have a massage
• read a good book

I highly recomend the book-a great listen for a long journey

Posted in Stress relief, Marriage, Positive Living, Womens Health, Keeping the romance alive | 1 Comment »

26/03/2009 by admin.

I have heard this phrase bandied about quite a lot recently as a credit crunch beating tip.

 I must admit we have cut down on how often we eat out as have many of my friends, & we do all tend to go for special offers & deals such as early birds or lunchtime offers.

I do like to have one night off cooking at least once a week. We used to go out but recently i have been buying the meal deals from wither M&S or Tesco. You know the ones-dine in for 2 for £9-£10 (including bottle wine and desert) 

 M&S started the trend & Tesco quickly followed. M&S even did a meal deal for 4 for mothers day-what a good idea-my brother bought one to cook for his wife & kids (he rarely cooks)

 My dh is a great cook-much better than me, but I do most of cooking in the week & I like a night off. For the last 6 weeks or so I have added a meal deal to my weekly shop, and we have not been out in the evening for a meal since Valentines day ! We are loving it so far and we are saving about £30 a week by not eating out that one evening a week!

We have been out for lunch which is usually much cheaper. I am a huge believer in making time to date your partner. For one the chances of having sex are greatly increased after you have been out for dinner or had a relaxing ‘date at home’

These dine in for two are a great stress free way of having a romantic meal in with no stress. There is very little washing up & they offer really excellent value for money.

Posted in Credit crunch tips, Stress relief, Marriage, Keeping the romance alive | No Comments »

11/02/2009 by admin.

Dont tell yourself it doesn’t matter and she is not bothered.

Its not true-she is bothered. 

You will earn so many brownie points if you do something special for her

Ideas us girls love:

Cut flowers allways go down well and make us feel really pampered

Favourite box of chocolates-not too big a box though or she will just feel guilty for eating them all if she is anything like me

Dinner for two out at a fancy restaurant-lets face it ,an evening off cooking, washing and tidying up is great

Cook a romantic meal for her-I love when my dh cooks for us-he is a great cook

An item of jewellery she covets always goes down well

Hire a romantic film to watch together-Sex and the City is great if she has not already seen it

Give her a cd of love songs or even better compile a romantic playlist for her on itunes

Really nice toiletries or perfume beautifully wrapped & presented

Use your imagination. This does not have to be difficult or expensive, and the credit you will get for it is so worth the expense and effort.

You know what she loves-you can do it. Have fun making her happy-you will be so glad you did

Posted in Valentines day, Marriage, Libido | 7 Comments »

11/02/2009 by admin.

I have just booked a table for DH and myself to go out for dinner just the two of us for a romantic meal.

Just hoping his cold gets better !

 My thinking was a long hot soak in tub before we go out for both of us, dress to impress (sexy underwear-the works), romantic candelit  dinner & wine for two, and then home for an early night and some loving.

I have got him a small valentines gift which is a dvd of his favourite comedian-they do say laughter is the best medicine (we will get rid of that cold)

Plan something special for your sweetie, to show them how much you love and appreciate them.

If you want to buy yourself a little gift for valentines day that will help you understand your other half better I can highly reccomend the ‘men are from mars women are from venus’ books by John Gray. I love them and find they help me to understand my dh & vice versa. I have most of them on my ipod as a audiobook.

Whatever you decide to do for valentines day-be kind to each other and show your sweetie how much you love and appreciate him

Posted in Marriage, Sex | 1 Comment »

02/02/2009 by admin.

Just read this really good honest article about sex in marriage.

If your sex life is flagging I highly reccommend reading this

Two years ago, my wife and I made it our new year’s resolution to have sex every day. The reason was simple. Utterly worn out by the arrival of our first child, we had pretty much stopped having sex. I was 33, she was 30, and our erotic life needed not so much a jump-start as electrotherapy.

Read the full article and the results of their sexperiment here http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/men/article5598881.ece

Posted in Marriage, Libido, Sex | No Comments »