Stepping off the emotional roller coaster of infertility

 sarah holland fertile mindset

I realise that you may feel in need of emotional support as you try to conceive through fertility issues. You need support that’s effective, works quickly and can bring you the peace of mind and positive thinking that you know is so vital to supporting your fertility.

Perhaps you’ve heard about how successful EFT is at dramatically reducing negative emotions such as anxiety, sadness, worry and fear. But you’re not sure how to learn it or apply it to your own unique situation, and achieve the positive results in your emotional well-being and mindset that you know would be SO beneficial.Well here’s the good news! I have developed a low cost, fast working solution to help yo u switch your thinking from negative to positive, and support you in a multitude of ways as you try to conceive your baby.I know what an emotional roller coaster it can be when you have fertility issues, and I’d like to invite you now to take my hand as a support you stepping off the roller coaster and on to a much smoother, easier to navigate path.What am I talking about? Click below to find out!
Don’t delay in clicking above and making a decision whether to sign up. There are only limited spaces available, and the ‘early bird’ booking price ends soon. PLUS if you’re one of the next few to sign up you’ll be able to grab one of the remaining chances to have a private one-to-one telephone session with me, to work on a key emotional issue for you.

I look forward to you joining me on this exciting adventure!

With love and best wishes on your fertility journey,

Sarah Holland
Fertility Support Specialist

London yoga classes – Womb Yoga – SE17


Going on from what I was saying about yoga for fertility in my earlier post, I thought this might interest people as I literally just stumbled upon it on a yoga website.

” This integrated and harmonious approach to hatha yoga is especially developed to bring comfort and joy to women. It is suited to all women, with or without previous experience of yoga. Women of all ages are welcome, whether you are complete beginners or super-experienced yoginis or yoga teachers. In fact, any woman who would like a feminine, nourishing and fluid practice with elegant movement flows, delicious breath work, resonant sound, and deep healing relaxation is invited to join her sisters for this women-only class.”

More information on these two websites.

Probably a bit far for anyone in Nottingham -but figured it might help some one


When we use the acronym TLC for tender loving care, we generally mean one person to another. However, I believe that it’s also to spend some time and effort on your own behalf.  I promote self-care in all areas of an infertile person’s life, both for emotional wellbeing and to maximize the chance of conception.  It’s not as easy as saying we will make changes.  It requires a positive attitude, a desire to change and taking action. I have to work at it too. This is part my own ongoing self-development, and being aware of it helps me understand a client’s efforts and difficulties. Success requires:

  • Self-awareness;
  • Honesty;
  • Motivation; and
  • Follow-through

The self-awareness that is required in order to improve lifestyle choices is:  1) knowing your own habitual way of operating, and 2) identifying the areas in your life which have a potential to be neglected, as a result. Even if others perceive a decline regarding your health, and tell you, it won’t make much difference until you can admit it to yourself. This realization may not be triggered until the connection is made between your choices (healthy sleep, eating, alcohol, exercise, hygiene, nutrition and/or medication) and the delay or absence of conception.   

The stress related to infertility can be unhealthy in itself, but in some ways, stress can actually provoke necessary action. If your fertility clinic delays your IVF cycle until you lose weight, stop smoking or bring down your blood pressure, it will force self-awareness, require honesty and provide motivation.  Honesty is an admission of the state you are in and your responsibility for it. It’s most important to be honest with yourself.  However, honesty with someone else about your difficulty in giving up a bad habit can be rewarded with support and helpful suggestions.  Choose the person who is likely to support your efforts the most, rather than a person who will express disapproval, criticize you and say I told you so

Motivation is what propels you forward. If becoming pregnant and having your own baby is the paramount issue in your life, then you have a motivator that is easy to visualize. You have probably thought and talked of little else lately, so it’s fresh.  Write down everything about pregnancy and motherhood that you daydream about, starting with the line on the pregnancy-test stick, to going to the playground with a group of friendly mothers, all with your babies in strollers. Your list may include:

  • Joy of telling my husband “we are pregnant;”
  • Feeling the physical signs of pregnancy;
  • Having a pregnant belly;
  • Picking baby names;
  • Shopping for cute baby clothes…and so on.

Next to each point, put a check mark if it is motivational or an X for something that won’t motivate you to work a bit harder on self-care.  If having a baby is your most important aim right now, use these motivators when reaching for a pint of ice cream, a cigarette, or a gin and tonic.

Just talking about making changes is not enough; it means nothing without follow-through. It’s one thing to identify what you need to do, another to honestly assess where you are falling short and still another to finding that which will prompt action on your part. The last piece of the puzzle is taking action, or following through on your commitment. This is where most people begin to feel like it’s all too much work. 

With infertility, you could be on this self-improvement course for months or years without yet achieving your ultimate goal: the baby.  Having only a long-term reward in sight, no matter how important, can’t always keep you going, especially when you may also be experiencing other challenges in your personal, social and work life.  Several short and medium-term rewards will work better to motivate you; so build them in to your scheme every few weeks.  Focus on one area for a while, to the point that you are satisfied that you have embedded a new habit. Reap a reward, and then add the next goal.

Ask for help. Do not just nominate a person to support you, putting the responsibility for action elsewhere, rather than on yourself. No one wants to be put in the position of nagging you and earning your resentment.  If you feel unable to do it on your own, consider partnering up with another woman who is also trying to conceive.  Alternatively, if there is an area of self-care that you and your partner both need to work on; such as weight loss, or giving up caffeine, you could have it easier if you both tackle it at the same time.  Agreeing to hold each other accountable for your commitments is a good way of keeping honest.

With the amount of hard work it takes to improve our habits and increase our self-care, it would be a shame not to sustain the positive results. In coaching clients, I have seen people who think that once they have heard something, they are capable of putting it into action.  However, hearing and learning are two distinctly different things.  You need to understand why you weren’t taking care of yourself before.  You must be equipped with the tools to counteract temptation and subconscious habits. You need to develop trust – a belief that you are deserving of TLC. This takes time to embed.

Every once in a while take a stock-check of your emotional and physical health, taking care to note where they may have declined. Go back to the beginning by reflecting on your attitude, behaviour and effort.  You will have already learned the methods needed for improvement, so a reminder will set you back on a healthy path. Use positive affirmations such as EFT techniques to embed the new learning. Why? Because you’re worth it.

Lisa Marsh is a fertility coach, working with individuals and couples to enhance their chances of conception, reduce stress and carry a healthy pregnancy among other things.  She has a fertility blog, coaches in person in North London, and by phone in the UK and internationally.  You can contact Lisa for coaching on .  You can follow Lisa on Twitter @yourgreatlife to get great Fertility Support and Miscarriage Support tips, as well as links to news, her articles and connect with others in the IF community.

Regina Brett’s 45 life lessons & 5 to grow on

I read this online after it was mentioned by one of the lifecoaches on twitter and wanted to share it with you.

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years, will this matter?”

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative – dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

To reach this Plain Dealer columnist:, 216-999-6328


Read Regina’s most requested column, the one that’s become an Internet phenomenon.

  • Regina Brett’s 45 life lessons and 5 to grow on
  • Life’s lessons speed up on Internet; 90 years of living in 50
  • Regina Brett is not 90 years old … yet: Her bio

    You know things are bad when !

     My name is Susie. I am 45 years old and think I may be having hot flushes-yeeks-or is it the stress I am under-who knows.

    Anyway my periods are very irregular, I am not sleeping properly due to hot flushes at night. I am not sure whether this is due to stress or whether I am menopausal !! I know I should have a test done but I am dreading what it will find-you could say I am burying my head in the sand at present.

    Today I knew things had come to a head when I went for a dental appointment, and the lovely dental hygienist lady was talking to me about how I need to look after my gums more. She went on to say that often we women neglect ourselves, while we are so busy looking after everyones elses needs. It was at this point that I started crying and that was when I realised how bad the stress had got, and that I needed to do something about it.

    I have decided to use this guest blog spot to talk about these stresses that I have been bottling up inside, and to find ways of managing the stress better. I am also going to make looking after my health and wellbeing a priority from now on. Sometimes it takes someone else giving us permission to do this, to make it seem ok.

    I will let you know how I get on .

    Thank you for listening


    What are you going to do to have fun ?

    It is a gorgeous sunny morning again here today-it has been a great September so far .

    As it is Friday, I am thinking about what we are going to do for the weekend to have some fun & relaxation. We all need some fun in our lives whatever else is going on.

    Trying to conceive can be great fun (unprotected sex for starters) but when things do not happen quickly or there are problems, it can turn something that was fun into a cause of stress.

    At times of stress it is particularly important to find ways of putting fun back into our lives & also making time to relax.

    How you do this varies from person to person. The first thing is to recognise that you need this.

    Fun & laughter releases endorphins that make us feel positive and that life is worth living. Without fun in our lives things can become very montonous.

    First thing is to make time for fun-avoid overscheduling yourself with things that are not fun.

    Make having some fun a priority-even if its just 5 minutes a day.

    Plan today what you are going to do as a couple to have some fun this coming weekend.

    Here are some suggestions for September weekend fun:

    • A long lie in Saturday morning reading magazines in bed
    • Breakfast in bed
    • A long walk in the sun together
    • A bike ride
    • Blackberry picking & making jam
    • Lunch out together
    • Gardening together-maybe plant some bulbs
    • Cook together
    • A long hot bubble bath (maybe together)
    • Watch a good film or some tv- the X factor is great fun
    • Just for fun sex

    These are just a few ideas, yours may be very different-whatever is fun for you

     Have a great weekend.

    Running on empty-how to fill yourself up

    5 quick tips to fill yourself up :

    1) Do something different-if you are at home all day-get out of the house for the day, if you at work all week plan some down time at home. If you look after young children all week plan some child free time-just do something different.

    2) Go shopping with a girlfriend and have fun. Set yourself a budget & treat yourself to something that makes your feel glam-even if its just some dangly earrings, some pretty bangles or a scarf (the boho ethnic look is very big this season & there are lots of inexpensive ways to spice up your wardrobe by injecting a little boho chic)

    3) Pamper yourself. Make time for a long bubble bath, shave your legs, do your nails, get the rough skin off your feet. You will feel gorgeous.

    4) Read something you love-doe not matter what. Make the time this weekend to read a book or magazine. its raining this weekend in UK so perfect opportunity.

    5) Have a special meal out with your significant other or to cook a special meal together (I prefer the meal out option-no dishes-the Tesco or M&S meal deals are nice and easy to cook at home)

    Are you running on empty-feeling spent ?

    Here are just a few tips taken from a new book, Spent: End Exhaustion and Feel Great Again that will help you to reset your body clock and rediscover your natural rhythm.

    * Get some natural light during the day by going for a walk, preferably in nature.

    * Keep a consistent daily schedule. Get up at the same time every day, regardless of what time you go to bed.

    * Have an “electronic sundown”. At around 10 pm, turn off your computer, TV and all electronic equipment.

    * Darken your room completely. That means covering or turning off any of the blinking or glowing lights from the alarm clock, the cell phone charger, the DVD clock and timer, etc. Each little bit of light can stop your melatonin levels from rising, which you need to induce sleep and to reach the deep restorative sleep your body requires. If you can’t darken your room, wear an eye mask.

    * Eat in accordance to your body’s rhythms. Since your metabolism peaks at about noon, it is better for your body to have a bigger breakfast and lunch and smaller dinner. Eat good fats and protein for breakfast because that is what your body needs for fuel during the day. Healthy smoothies are a great way to get both of these into your diet. The typical sugar and carb-laden breakfast of a bagel, muffin, toast or sugary cereal are just about the worst things you can have; so avoid those at all costs.

    Click on this link to find out more & to read the full article

    Are you feeling in a rut-lets spice things up by doing things differently

    Sometimes life can get monotonous, and we all need to change things around a bit.

    The best example of this is in our diets-so many of us eat the same things week in week out-this can get kind of boring, but it is easy which is why we do it.

    I am going to post some simple & inexpensive ideas later for doing things differently, that help to give us a boost and get us out of our comfortable little ruts, and will help to bring your va va voom back.

    • buy a different magazine or newspaper this week
    • start listening to a different radio program
    • listen to different music-borrow a new cd from friend or library
    • try some differnet food-something you would not usually eat
    • go somewhere new
    • take the scenic route to work
    • try a new sport
    • do something creative that you do not normal do-garden, paint, draw, pottery, plant a lovely summer container up
    • go to a live sports event & watch
    • do something in your home -touch up your paintwork, redecorate, paint the garden furniture, clear ou the garage, do some diy, re-arrange a room, read a feng shui book & implement something from it. Do something you would not normally do
    • do something for charity-have a big closet clearout & donate to charity, donate all the books you have read, go and help at a local charity
    • start a journal, blog or diary
    • write a story, any subject, any length
    • exercise-do something different-swimming, tennis, badmington, squash, go for a run, walk a neighbours dog
    • go to the cinema to see a new film by yourself or with a girlfriend
    • contact a long lost friend or relation
    • go shopping somewhere different
    • go to a museum, art gallery or exhibition
    • shift:sit in a different place to your usual one.(at mealtimes, in meeting, in the lounge, anywhere you have a habitual place to sit)
    • broken friendships-make the first move to repair the damage
    • ride a bike
    • play a childs game-garden cricket is great fun at this time of year, short tennis. monopoly
    • learn to meditate-get a cd, try yoga, read a book on relaxation
    • drive less aggressively

    These ideas are taken from the book ‘The No Diet Do Something Different Diet’

    For more info on the no diet diet click on link below

    Did you have some fun in the bedroom this weekend ? Are you taking care of you ?

    Hope you all had a good bank holiday weekend despite the rain on Monday.

    This week we are going to focus on you.

    Are you making time to love yourself ?

    Ask yourself these questions:

    1) Am I taking my folic acid ? (if trying to conceive or in early pregnancy)

    2) Am I getting enough sleep ? Rest is so important for our health, brains & bodies. It is like recharging a battery. A good nights sleep makes such a difference to your well being. Try to get at least 8 hours sleep every night. Avoid staying up late watching tv-it will all be repeated or you catch up on iplayer. Added bonus is you will have more sex & bettter sex if you go to bed early.

    3) Am I taking care of my health needs ? Do I need to book a dental check, drs appt, smear test etc. it is best to get all these things done now. stop procrastinating.

    4) Am I eating healthy food ? Your body deserves to have good food as fuel. Make sure you eat plenty of fruit & veg. cut down on the junk-you are just hurting you.

    5) Am I exercising regularly ? You dont need to join a gym-just move more. Exercise releases happy chemicals (similar to sex in some ways) which improve your happiness & health in lots of ways. Get more active in all sorts of ways. You could even try being more active in the bedroom, instead of just lying there ! Walking is great exercise & costs nothing. Walk every day, even if its just round the block. Get active when you are watching tv-iron while you watch tv, or every time the ads come on, get up and do something-tidy up, put a load of laundrey on, get in your jammies, just do something.

    6) Am I making time for self care ? Do you need to schedule a hair appt? Take time to do nice things for your self-book a manicure or pedicure or do one at home-they are really easy. Make time every day to take care of you. The little things make such a difference-just washing your hair and taking the time to blow dry it makes you feel good.