Why infertility makes Christmas a tough time of year

Sarah Holland 

I’m always aware at this time of year how it must feel for someone who isn’t yet a mother or father but would dearly love to be. The festive season is so focused around children and families that you may feel lonely and at times excluded. At what should be one of the happiest times of the year, those struggling with infertility are left feeling sad and frustrated.

Parties and family gatherings can be difficult to face, and you may find that it’s at these occasions that people choose to ask “so, when are you going to have a baby?”. Add to that the fact that more and more people seem to be “only buying presents for the children this year” or tell you “Christmas is all about children really” and you couldn’t be blamed for wanting to run away from the festivities.

However with the right support and techniques there is a way that you can reduce the sadness and stress that you’re feeling, and bring back some magic into the celebrations for you and your loved ones.

Last year I made a video using the stress-busting technique EFT to help with the stress that Christmas brings to those challenged with fertility issues. Many told me it helped them through the festive season and brought back some joy and happiness for them. I hope it helps you too!

And this year I’m offering something very special that I want to be available to every single person who is trying to conceive through fertility issues and would like some nurturing support during the festive season and into the New Year. With this support I’d not only love to help you rediscover peace and joy this Christmas, but also feel hopeful and positive that 2012 will be the year that you have your baby.

Click here to find out more and how this support can cost you as little as $1!
==>> http://www.fertilemindset.com/merry-little-christmas

I look forward to supporting you at this special time of year, and I wish you love, health and happiness for 2012.

Stepping off the emotional roller coaster of infertility

 sarah holland fertile mindset

I realise that you may feel in need of emotional support as you try to conceive through fertility issues. You need support that’s effective, works quickly and can bring you the peace of mind and positive thinking that you know is so vital to supporting your fertility.

Perhaps you’ve heard about how successful EFT is at dramatically reducing negative emotions such as anxiety, sadness, worry and fear. But you’re not sure how to learn it or apply it to your own unique situation, and achieve the positive results in your emotional well-being and mindset that you know would be SO beneficial.Well here’s the good news! I have developed a low cost, fast working solution to help yo u switch your thinking from negative to positive, and support you in a multitude of ways as you try to conceive your baby.I know what an emotional roller coaster it can be when you have fertility issues, and I’d like to invite you now to take my hand as a support you stepping off the roller coaster and on to a much smoother, easier to navigate path.What am I talking about? Click below to find out!http://www.fertilemindset.com/inner-saboteur
Don’t delay in clicking above and making a decision whether to sign up. There are only limited spaces available, and the ‘early bird’ booking price ends soon. PLUS if you’re one of the next few to sign up you’ll be able to grab one of the remaining chances to have a private one-to-one telephone session with me, to work on a key emotional issue for you.

I look forward to you joining me on this exciting adventure!

With love and best wishes on your fertility journey,

Sarah Holland
Fertility Support Specialist

The Fertility Focus Telesummit is underway. but there is still time to join in!

The second interview of the Fertility Focus Telesummit was mine, on how “Creating an Effective Support Network Can Make All the Difference When Trying To Conceive.” I’m really excited by the response I have had, with many listeners emailing me afterward to thank me and/or tell me that what I shared really resonated with them. The Telesummit is completely free to listen to the live presentations, and the replays for 24 hours after each interview. If you didn’t know about it before, it’s not too late to get involved.

The 2nd Fertility Focus Telesummit, created and moderated by Sarah Holland, is running this week.  Twelve fertility experts from around the world, and 3 fertility bloggers, are speaking throughout the week on various aspects of fertility health and support.  Sarah started things off on Sunday, the 20th of March, with an introduction to the Telesummit and an explanation of how to get the most out of it.

Yesterday, Monday the 21st, saw the first two interviews; Dr Marion Glenville spoke on the nutritional aspect of fertility health, giving much of her hour-long presentation over to listeners’ questions and providing really comprehensive responses.  The second interview of the evening was mine, on how “Creating an Effective Support Network Can Make All the Difference When Trying To Conceive.”  I’m really excited by the response I have had, with many listeners emailing me afterward to thank me and/or tell me that what I shared really resonated with them.

The Telesummit is completely free to listen to the live presentations, and the replays for 24 hours after each interview. If you didn’t know about it before, it’s not too late to get involved.  Click here to register for the Fertility Focus Telesummit FREE!  You can listen live, and submit questions for each of the speakers, or listen at your leisure to the recordings afterward.  If you are really busy this week and know you won’t be able to listen in, OR you just want to have all 17 audio files to refer to over and over, Sarah provides the option of upgrading to a Golden Ticket so you can purchase the whole Telesummit’s talks, which will be emailed to you as an MP3 file afterward. This is an incredible value, this week only while the Telesummit is running, at US$67, including several bonuses. You can find all the information at the Telesummit website.

Because I’m a bit late in letting you know about the Telesummit and my own presentation on creating a support network, I’d like to share some of that information with you here.  Having been through several challenging years of recurrent miscarriage and secondary infertility myself, I have the benefit of hindsight telling me that I really could have coped far better if I had been more proactive about getting myself, and my husband, the right balance of emotional and practical support.  Infertility put a big strain on our marriage, and I felt very alone and fearful that I would not be able to have the children I had always dreamed of having.  We are fortunate to have come through those rough times, and to have our two children.  Using my training and experience as a fertility coach, I have developed a system to help each of my clients create a support network for their unique needs, thus easing their experience of infertility and efforts to conceive and helping them to feel less isolated and stressed.

During the call, I explained:

  • Why infertility support is so important;
  • The 5 most essential types of support every infertile person needs;
  • Why your partner is not always the best source of support;
  • How you actually create your personal support network;
  • What you can do is someone you expected to be supportive has turned out to be the opposite; and
  • How to maintain a really effective support network over a long period of time.

I’m also offering a Free Bonus to Callers from the Telesummit! I’ve created a comprehensive Worksheet that takes you through the process of creating your own infertility support network, step by step. So, if you haven’t already registered, don’t let this opportunity pass you by.

I’m listening to the other speakers throughout the week myself. I have to say, I’ve been very impressed so far. I’ve learned a lot already from both Dr Glenville and Andrew Loosely, Acupuncturist and Chinese Herbalist. Other expert speakers during the week include Sarah Holland on using EFT for conception, Kristin Hayward, Zita West, Gabriela Rosa, Toni Weschler, Sue Dumais, Nicola Smuts, Deirdre Morris and Cindy Bailey. Then, you can listen to talks from 3 prolific bloggers, including the authors of “From IF to When,” “Eggs and Sperm” and “Survive and Thrive.” I’m really looking forward to the rest of the week.

TLC For TTC

When we use the acronym TLC for tender loving care, we generally mean one person to another. However, I believe that it’s also to spend some time and effort on your own behalf.  I promote self-care in all areas of an infertile person’s life, both for emotional wellbeing and to maximize the chance of conception.  It’s not as easy as saying we will make changes.  It requires a positive attitude, a desire to change and taking action. I have to work at it too. This is part my own ongoing self-development, and being aware of it helps me understand a client’s efforts and difficulties. Success requires:

  • Self-awareness;
  • Honesty;
  • Motivation; and
  • Follow-through

The self-awareness that is required in order to improve lifestyle choices is:  1) knowing your own habitual way of operating, and 2) identifying the areas in your life which have a potential to be neglected, as a result. Even if others perceive a decline regarding your health, and tell you, it won’t make much difference until you can admit it to yourself. This realization may not be triggered until the connection is made between your choices (healthy sleep, eating, alcohol, exercise, hygiene, nutrition and/or medication) and the delay or absence of conception.   

The stress related to infertility can be unhealthy in itself, but in some ways, stress can actually provoke necessary action. If your fertility clinic delays your IVF cycle until you lose weight, stop smoking or bring down your blood pressure, it will force self-awareness, require honesty and provide motivation.  Honesty is an admission of the state you are in and your responsibility for it. It’s most important to be honest with yourself.  However, honesty with someone else about your difficulty in giving up a bad habit can be rewarded with support and helpful suggestions.  Choose the person who is likely to support your efforts the most, rather than a person who will express disapproval, criticize you and say I told you so

Motivation is what propels you forward. If becoming pregnant and having your own baby is the paramount issue in your life, then you have a motivator that is easy to visualize. You have probably thought and talked of little else lately, so it’s fresh.  Write down everything about pregnancy and motherhood that you daydream about, starting with the line on the pregnancy-test stick, to going to the playground with a group of friendly mothers, all with your babies in strollers. Your list may include:

  • Joy of telling my husband “we are pregnant;”
  • Feeling the physical signs of pregnancy;
  • Having a pregnant belly;
  • Picking baby names;
  • Shopping for cute baby clothes…and so on.

Next to each point, put a check mark if it is motivational or an X for something that won’t motivate you to work a bit harder on self-care.  If having a baby is your most important aim right now, use these motivators when reaching for a pint of ice cream, a cigarette, or a gin and tonic.

Just talking about making changes is not enough; it means nothing without follow-through. It’s one thing to identify what you need to do, another to honestly assess where you are falling short and still another to finding that which will prompt action on your part. The last piece of the puzzle is taking action, or following through on your commitment. This is where most people begin to feel like it’s all too much work. 

With infertility, you could be on this self-improvement course for months or years without yet achieving your ultimate goal: the baby.  Having only a long-term reward in sight, no matter how important, can’t always keep you going, especially when you may also be experiencing other challenges in your personal, social and work life.  Several short and medium-term rewards will work better to motivate you; so build them in to your scheme every few weeks.  Focus on one area for a while, to the point that you are satisfied that you have embedded a new habit. Reap a reward, and then add the next goal.

Ask for help. Do not just nominate a person to support you, putting the responsibility for action elsewhere, rather than on yourself. No one wants to be put in the position of nagging you and earning your resentment.  If you feel unable to do it on your own, consider partnering up with another woman who is also trying to conceive.  Alternatively, if there is an area of self-care that you and your partner both need to work on; such as weight loss, or giving up caffeine, you could have it easier if you both tackle it at the same time.  Agreeing to hold each other accountable for your commitments is a good way of keeping honest.

With the amount of hard work it takes to improve our habits and increase our self-care, it would be a shame not to sustain the positive results. In coaching clients, I have seen people who think that once they have heard something, they are capable of putting it into action.  However, hearing and learning are two distinctly different things.  You need to understand why you weren’t taking care of yourself before.  You must be equipped with the tools to counteract temptation and subconscious habits. You need to develop trust – a belief that you are deserving of TLC. This takes time to embed.

Every once in a while take a stock-check of your emotional and physical health, taking care to note where they may have declined. Go back to the beginning by reflecting on your attitude, behaviour and effort.  You will have already learned the methods needed for improvement, so a reminder will set you back on a healthy path. Use positive affirmations such as EFT techniques to embed the new learning. Why? Because you’re worth it.

Lisa Marsh is a fertility coach, working with individuals and couples to enhance their chances of conception, reduce stress and carry a healthy pregnancy among other things.  She has a fertility blog http://yourgreatlife.typepad.com, coaches in person in North London, and by phone in the UK and internationally.  You can contact Lisa for coaching on lisa@yourgreatlife.co.uk .  You can follow Lisa on Twitter @yourgreatlife to get great Fertility Support and Miscarriage Support tips, as well as links to news, her articles and connect with others in the IF community.

EFT and Fertility

The stress of infertility can be overwhelming and could even be making your problems worse.  Extreme stress may cause further disruption to your delicate hormonal balance.  Plus constant anxiety and worry can mean it’s impossible to make rational decisions about fertility treatment options. Not forgetting that the stress of trying to conceive for a long time puts massive stress on your relationship, which needs to remain strong throughout this emotional time.

So what can you do about infertility stress?

EFT is an easy technique to learn and use, for successful stress reduction and emotional well-being.  Based on the same theories as Chinese acupuncture, it is stunningly effective for dissolving negative emotions including anxiety, worry, fear and anger.  EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Techniques, and the principle behind it is simple:

The cause of ALL negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system. 

EFT utilises the meridian system which has been used in acupuncture for thousands of years.  This modern development uses no needles, but instead a simple tapping technique on specific points on the face, upper body and hands while focussing on the emotional issues you want to work on and repeating words and phrases to help the process.  The tapping on these special points balances the energy disruptions, releasing negative emotions, and helps you back into a state of balance where you approach challenges with a rational and logical outlook.  Unnecessary negative emotion which is unhealthy and damaging is resolved with EFT and replaced with more healthy emotions that benefit our physical and emotional well-being.  The tapping can seem a little crazy at first, but once you get started you will soon understand how quickly it can reduce, and usually eliminate, intense negative emotions.

So how can EFT help with fertility issues? 

Anyone who has been trying for a baby for some time knows all about the rollercoaster of emotions involved.  Common emotions include jealousy, anxiety, panic, fear, worry and sadness.  And although you know that stress can further block your attempts at conception, it’s so difficult to switch off these emotions, especially when you get a negative pregnancy test, or your period shows up.

EFT is also a highly effective technique at removing psychological blocks to conception. Past traumas, memories, beliefs about pregnancy, birth and parenthood, can all affect how you truly feel about having a baby.  You may feel ready to be a parent, but are there any hidden blocks that are stopping you from conceiving?  EFT helps you identify and resolve these blocks, and move you towards having your baby.Fertility treatment such as IVF can increase your stress levels even further, as so much hope and expectation is built up around ‘Test Day’.  You wouldn’t choose to put yourself through so much stress when you are trying for a baby, but when faced with the challenge of fertility issues it seems inevitable.  Or is it?

Many women all over the world are using EFT to improve their chances of conception.  It’s a popular technique because, unlike other methods, it can be used both in a therapy session and as a self-help technique.  It often works very quickly which also makes it low cost, and the results can be outstanding. 

Here’s what some women said about their use of EFT for fertility issues.  (They had all been trying for a baby for a number of years, and became pregnant soon after).

“It was hard to believe how quickly EFT worked for me.  I had trouble dealing day to
day with issues surrounding my infertility problems.  Just thinking about them brought
up so much anger and frustration and jealousy towards other women who were
pregnant or had babies.  After using EFT I felt all the anger, frustration and jealousy
lift.  I’m definitely much more relaxed now and people have even commented that I
seem happier.” 
– SM (now a mother to 2 children)

“I first used EFT on the day I got a negative pregnancy test after IVF and I could
barely talk I was crying so much.  EFT helped me to relate what the emotions were
and enabled me to hope for the best at the next attempt.”
– J (now a mother)

“I am a very anxious person and was aware that stress and anxiety can have an
effect of fertility.  EFT helped me to identify my feelings of panic and fear at not
being able to conceive naturally and also addressed my feelings of envy for friends
who conceived easily.  After using EFT I was surprised by the change in my outlook.  I am now feeling far more positive about the journey I am on in order to have
family of my own and hoping for a blue line soon!”
– AL (now a mother)

EFT can be learnt as a self-help technique at little or no cost.  See www.TapIntoYourPotential.com for a free ebook ‘EFT Basics’.

To learn EFT from scratch and use it specifically for fertility issues to improve your chances of conception, the ebook ‘Overcoming Infertility with EFT’ is ideal.  It gives clear EFT instruction and is in a practical, easy to use format that is suitable for all fertility issues.

You may like to work with a professional EFT practitioner, either over the phone or in person, in addition to using EFT by yourself.  Some people find that even more can be achieved this way, and more complex issues can be approached.  Sarah Holland is a certified EFT practitioner who specializes in optimising fertility.  She is based in the UK and works over the phone with people all over the world.