26/04/2010 by yourgreatlife.

When we use the acronym TLC for tender loving care, we generally mean one person to another. However, I believe that it’s also to spend some time and effort on your own behalf.  I promote self-care in all areas of an infertile person’s life, both for emotional wellbeing and to maximize the chance of conception.  It’s not as easy as saying we will make changes.  It requires a positive attitude, a desire to change and taking action. I have to work at it too. This is part my own ongoing self-development, and being aware of it helps me understand a client’s efforts and difficulties. Success requires:

• Self-awareness;
• Honesty;
• Motivation; and
• Follow-through

The self-awareness that is required in order to improve lifestyle choices is:  1) knowing your own habitual way of operating, and 2) identifying the areas in your life which have a potential to be neglected, as a result. Even if others perceive a decline regarding your health, and tell you, it won’t make much difference until you can admit it to yourself. This realization may not be triggered until the connection is made between your choices (healthy sleep, eating, alcohol, exercise, hygiene, nutrition and/or medication) and the delay or absence of conception.   

The stress related to infertility can be unhealthy in itself, but in some ways, stress can actually provoke necessary action. If your fertility clinic delays your IVF cycle until you lose weight, stop smoking or bring down your blood pressure, it will force self-awareness, require honesty and provide motivation.  Honesty is an admission of the state you are in and your responsibility for it. It’s most important to be honest with yourself.  However, honesty with someone else about your difficulty in giving up a bad habit can be rewarded with support and helpful suggestions.  Choose the person who is likely to support your efforts the most, rather than a person who will express disapproval, criticize you and say I told you so. 

Motivation is what propels you forward. If becoming pregnant and having your own baby is the paramount issue in your life, then you have a motivator that is easy to visualize. You have probably thought and talked of little else lately, so it’s fresh.  Write down everything about pregnancy and motherhood that you daydream about, starting with the line on the pregnancy-test stick, to going to the playground with a group of friendly mothers, all with your babies in strollers. Your list may include:

• Joy of telling my husband “we are pregnant;”
• Feeling the physical signs of pregnancy;
• Having a pregnant belly;
• Picking baby names;
• Shopping for cute baby clothes…and so on.

Next to each point, put a check mark if it is motivational or an X for something that won’t motivate you to work a bit harder on self-care.  If having a baby is your most important aim right now, use these motivators when reaching for a pint of ice cream, a cigarette, or a gin and tonic.

Just talking about making changes is not enough; it means nothing without follow-through. It’s one thing to identify what you need to do, another to honestly assess where you are falling short and still another to finding that which will prompt action on your part. The last piece of the puzzle is taking action, or following through on your commitment. This is where most people begin to feel like it’s all too much work. 

With infertility, you could be on this self-improvement course for months or years without yet achieving your ultimate goal: the baby.  Having only a long-term reward in sight, no matter how important, can’t always keep you going, especially when you may also be experiencing other challenges in your personal, social and work life.  Several short and medium-term rewards will work better to motivate you; so build them in to your scheme every few weeks.  Focus on one area for a while, to the point that you are satisfied that you have embedded a new habit. Reap a reward, and then add the next goal.

Ask for help. Do not just nominate a person to support you, putting the responsibility for action elsewhere, rather than on yourself. No one wants to be put in the position of nagging you and earning your resentment.  If you feel unable to do it on your own, consider partnering up with another woman who is also trying to conceive.  Alternatively, if there is an area of self-care that you and your partner both need to work on; such as weight loss, or giving up caffeine, you could have it easier if you both tackle it at the same time.  Agreeing to hold each other accountable for your commitments is a good way of keeping honest.

With the amount of hard work it takes to improve our habits and increase our self-care, it would be a shame not to sustain the positive results. In coaching clients, I have seen people who think that once they have heard something, they are capable of putting it into action.  However, hearing and learning are two distinctly different things.  You need to understand why you weren’t taking care of yourself before.  You must be equipped with the tools to counteract temptation and subconscious habits. You need to develop trust - a belief that you are deserving of TLC. This takes time to embed.

Every once in a while take a stock-check of your emotional and physical health, taking care to note where they may have declined. Go back to the beginning by reflecting on your attitude, behaviour and effort.  You will have already learned the methods needed for improvement, so a reminder will set you back on a healthy path. Use positive affirmations such as EFT techniques to embed the new learning. Why? Because you’re worth it.

Lisa Marsh is a fertility coach, working with individuals and couples to enhance their chances of conception, reduce stress and carry a healthy pregnancy among other things.  She has a fertility blog http://yourgreatlife.typepad.com, coaches in person in North London, and by phone in the UK and internationally.  You can contact Lisa for coaching on lisa@yourgreatlife.co.uk .  You can follow Lisa on Twitter @yourgreatlife to get great Fertility Support and Miscarriage Support tips, as well as links to news, her articles and connect with others in the IF community.

Posted in Infertility & Stress, Fertility Blogger, EFT and Fertility, fertility coach, Fertility Tips, lifestyle and fertility, Loving yourself, doing things differently, Trying to Conceive | 2 Comments »

03/02/2010 by Sarah Holland.

The stress of infertility can be overwhelming and could even be making your problems worse.  Extreme stress may cause further disruption to your delicate hormonal balance.  Plus constant anxiety and worry can mean it’s impossible to make rational decisions about fertility treatment options. Not forgetting that the stress of trying to conceive for a long time puts massive stress on your relationship, which needs to remain strong throughout this emotional time.

So what can you do about infertility stress?

EFT is an easy technique to learn and use, for successful stress reduction and emotional well-being.  Based on the same theories as Chinese acupuncture, it is stunningly effective for dissolving negative emotions including anxiety, worry, fear and anger.  EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Techniques, and the principle behind it is simple:

The cause of ALL negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system. 

EFT utilises the meridian system which has been used in acupuncture for thousands of years.  This modern development uses no needles, but instead a simple tapping technique on specific points on the face, upper body and hands while focussing on the emotional issues you want to work on and repeating words and phrases to help the process.  The tapping on these special points balances the energy disruptions, releasing negative emotions, and helps you back into a state of balance where you approach challenges with a rational and logical outlook.  Unnecessary negative emotion which is unhealthy and damaging is resolved with EFT and replaced with more healthy emotions that benefit our physical and emotional well-being.  The tapping can seem a little crazy at first, but once you get started you will soon understand how quickly it can reduce, and usually eliminate, intense negative emotions.

So how can EFT help with fertility issues? 

Anyone who has been trying for a baby for some time knows all about the rollercoaster of emotions involved.  Common emotions include jealousy, anxiety, panic, fear, worry and sadness.  And although you know that stress can further block your attempts at conception, it’s so difficult to switch off these emotions, especially when you get a negative pregnancy test, or your period shows up.

EFT is also a highly effective technique at removing psychological blocks to conception. Past traumas, memories, beliefs about pregnancy, birth and parenthood, can all affect how you truly feel about having a baby.  You may feel ready to be a parent, but are there any hidden blocks that are stopping you from conceiving?  EFT helps you identify and resolve these blocks, and move you towards having your baby.Fertility treatment such as IVF can increase your stress levels even further, as so much hope and expectation is built up around ‘Test Day’.  You wouldn’t choose to put yourself through so much stress when you are trying for a baby, but when faced with the challenge of fertility issues it seems inevitable.  Or is it?

Many women all over the world are using EFT to improve their chances of conception.  It’s a popular technique because, unlike other methods, it can be used both in a therapy session and as a self-help technique.  It often works very quickly which also makes it low cost, and the results can be outstanding. 

Here’s what some women said about their use of EFT for fertility issues.  (They had all been trying for a baby for a number of years, and became pregnant soon after).

“It was hard to believe how quickly EFT worked for me.  I had trouble dealing day to
day with issues surrounding my infertility problems.  Just thinking about them brought
up so much anger and frustration and jealousy towards other women who were
pregnant or had babies.  After using EFT I felt all the anger, frustration and jealousy
lift.  I’m definitely much more relaxed now and people have even commented that I
seem happier.”  - SM (now a mother to 2 children)

“I first used EFT on the day I got a negative pregnancy test after IVF and I could
barely talk I was crying so much.  EFT helped me to relate what the emotions were
and enabled me to hope for the best at the next attempt.” - J (now a mother)

“I am a very anxious person and was aware that stress and anxiety can have an
effect of fertility.  EFT helped me to identify my feelings of panic and fear at not
being able to conceive naturally and also addressed my feelings of envy for friends
who conceived easily.  After using EFT I was surprised by the change in my outlook.  I am now feeling far more positive about the journey I am on in order to have
family of my own and hoping for a blue line soon!” - AL (now a mother)

EFT can be learnt as a self-help technique at little or no cost.  See www.TapIntoYourPotential.com for a free ebook ‘EFT Basics’.

To learn EFT from scratch and use it specifically for fertility issues to improve your chances of conception, the ebook ‘Overcoming Infertility with EFT’ is ideal.  It gives clear EFT instruction and is in a practical, easy to use format that is suitable for all fertility issues.

You may like to work with a professional EFT practitioner, either over the phone or in person, in addition to using EFT by yourself.  Some people find that even more can be achieved this way, and more complex issues can be approached.  Sarah Holland is a certified EFT practitioner who specializes in optimising fertility.  She is based in the UK and works over the phone with people all over the world. 

Posted in EFT and Fertility, EFT, Guest blogger, Alternative Therapies & Fertility | No Comments »